Kate Granger's "Dear Cancer"

I must copy this blog post from Dr Kate Granger, one of the bloggers I most admire, in its moving entirety. As a specialist in elderly medicine, she knows what she's talking about.

Dear Cancer…

Dear Cancer,

It has been an extremely interesting 2 years getting to know you. You gave me quite a shock in America all those months ago. To be honest your appearance in my life at that time was unwanted and frightening. My career was flourishing and we were planning to start a family. You took away all those aspirations in one fail swoop and left me in a mutilated and depressed state. I’m not sure I can ever properly forgive you for that although I immediately accepted that this was how my life was going to be, and that you were to be a constant companion that I was going to have to learn to get along with.

The months of treatment to suppress you and bring you under control took their toll on me both physically and mentally until I decided to stop the treatment and let you do your worst. I was determined to keep smiling and live my life to the full including a return to work before you got the better of me. In some ways it is because of you that I have been able to live the most wonderful lifestyle for the past year. I never would have been able to meet the Queen if it wasn’t for you so in a strange kind of way I am grateful. I think you have made me into a much more tolerant, optimistic and happy person and I thank you for that.   

Well, you’ve been asleep now for 19 months. I wonder every day how to keep you settled and peaceful in your slumber. I also wonder every day when you are going to awaken and how you plan to take my life. Are you going to obstruct my bowels? Are you going to cause a pulmonary embolism? Are you just going to overwhelm my body? I guess you haven’t decided this yet yourself, but please be kind and let it be quick whichever way you finally settle on.

Kind regards, 

Kate x

I do recommend you read her blog (http://drkategranger.wordpress.com/). It combines clear-sighted realism with a positive outlook which is such a contrast to the victimhood "pity-me" approach which all too many people encourage us terminally ill patients to adopt. It is simply beautiful. And inspiring.

The uses of adversity

Outside the theatre

A week ago, Jane and I drove to Stratford to see the RSC production of As You Like it, to celebrate our wedding anniversary. It was, you'll recall, one of the glorious clear sunny days we've been enjoying. We were very grateful for the air-conditioning in our car!

The production was great fun - once the men had got over mistaking shouting for emphasis and Jaques had stopped gabbling (I must be getting old and hard of hearing!). In my view, it shouldn't be necessary to have mugged up on a Shakespeare play to understand the meaning. Really good actors are able to bring Shakespearean English to life even for contemporary audiences. Fortunately the central characters achieved just that, most importantly Rosalind, the most major female role in Shakespeare (25% of lines), played by Pippa Nixon.

Rosalind and Orlando finally united (the "hippy" Duke just behind Orlando) - RSC photo

The plot involves an usurping duke and a selfish older brother driving various of their relatives into exile in the Forest of Arden (I assume where the paté comes from). In his first speech the ousted Duke, Senior, portrayed in this production presiding over something of a hippy-style commune and himself a bit like an aging rock star, says:
"Here feel we but the penalty of Adam,
The seasons' difference, as the icy fang
And churlish chiding of the winter's wind,
Which, when it bites and blows upon my body,
Even till I shrink with cold, I smile and say
'This is no flattery: these are counsellors
That feelingly persuade me what I am.'
Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
And this our life exempt from public haunt
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones and good in every thing.
I would not change it." 

I was struck by the expression, "Sweet are the uses of adversity". Our instinct is to run from adversity, to avoid pain. And yet there is something precious to be found in it. Exiled from all that is "civilised", what we might regard as the normal comforts of life, the Duke finds "good in every thing". This is poetry of course which can't be paraphrased - but, for example, the trees might speak of the beauty in each season of life and the miracle of rebirth, the brooks might be illustrating the infinite diversity and the wonderful interconnectedness of creation, and the stones teach that hardship is an integral part of existence; without it life would be bland.

Rosalind disguised as the young man, Ganymede - RSC photo

Pippa Nixon's performance was outstanding, with the ambiguities and tensions of the role, beginning and ending as the lively Rosalind and in between disguised as Ganymede, at once strong and vulnerable. It's a supremely demanding part. I suppose we were focused on her as she once came to a birthday barbecue in our garden here; so we were pleased to be able to congratulate her at the end. A great way to celebrate our marriage - thanks, Pippa and the RSC!

Understanding God

Here's something that Bo Stern has recently written about working on her new book, Ruthless - Knowing the God who fights for you.

"Here's what I'm convinced of, friend:  God longs for us to know Him.  Just like we long to be known and loved by those dearest to us; He longs for us to pursue an understanding of His character.  I'm freshly aware of how painful it must be for Him when we shake our fist at the problems we think He caused or treat Him like a vindictive, volatile taskmaster.  I'm also convinced that this ignorance regarding His ability and integrity (aka: bad theology) is why so many Christians are stuck in bitterness, frustration and purposelessness, especially when they face a Really Big Battle."

And something else, adapted from a book I've just finished reading by Salley Vickers, Miss Garnet's Angel. "What do you think a god looks like when he works in men? ... courage and truth and mercy and right action...", said by the Archangel Raphael to Tobias. 

I apologise not to have blogged recently. I blame our daughter's new therapy puppy - but perhaps it would be fairer to accuse my own lack of resistance to Wimbledon and the Tour de France! And I'm trying also to get on with my own book....